I awoke about 4:50 this morning and realized that I have been robbing myself and everyone else, and therefore God. Rather than living the full spectrum of human emotional color, I have emoted only several shades of gray.
Having absorbed by osmosis my mother’s trauma-induced emotional shutdown as my normal way of doing life, intellect has been the medium thru which I have related to everything and everyone, including myself. One of the consequences is that my several shades of emotional gray have provided me with only limited emotional drive.
Upon realizing that I have been robbing God of what I could have been doing for Him, I cried for a few seconds. Real, genuine sadness and tears. A bit of color!
As long as I remain shut down, I continue shortchanging my neighbors, myself, and therefore God. But Jesus took all our sins upon Himself, so now I’m free to let go of my unrighteous way of being.
“Father, forgive me this sin. Soften my heart of stone, and give me instead a heart of soft flesh that you can strengthen and use in Your service. Teach me what to do with feelings. And, thank you for loving me to life through our Shepherd, Jesus.”
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